You are already aware of Floridians’ fear of zombies, as shown by recent legislation against bath salts. Despite this, there continue to be reports of rampant zombie outbreaks across the Sunshine State. The zombie apocalypse has hit Central Florida, hard. As a citizen of Florida, you know you are not safe; not from zombies, not from British tourists, not from inability to count (notes in an election) and not from the state legislature. To make matters worse, Twinkies, the only food known to mankind that can survive a post-apocalyptic zombie outbreak (reference: Zombieland 2009) or a nuclear holocaust (reference: Family Guy, second season, third episode Dec. 26, 1999), may soon be out of production. Everyone knows Twinkies have a shelf life of 246 years.
Since Florida seems to be the only state infected with this flesh-eating disease, we are taking a poll. Should we be renamed “the Zombie State?”
A Run With the Living Dead in Clermont.
For those of your reading this blog from another state, you’re in luck. There is actual video footage of how bad the zombie outbreak has gotten in Florida. In Clermont, thousands of cardio-enthusiasts showed up to run a 5K course filled with numerous obstacles that forced participants to crawl in the sticky mud to avoid being pricked by barbed wire above and walking along an unstable beam of wood. Unfortunately, the runners were bombarded along the way by the living dead looking for a quick bite to eat. The participants had to protect their brains while running for their lives. Only the fastest survived.
Zombies Take Over the University of Central Florida (UCF).
If you are in Florida and were hoping to take shelter on the campus of the University of Central Florida (UCF), you’re too late. From now until December 2, 2012, the campus will be crawling with zombies who have taken to the stage in a production called “Zombie Town: A Documentary Play.”
We’ve heard it’s not bad. Click here to read a review of the performance.
No Twinkies = No Hope.
By now you’ve heard Hostess, the maker of Twinkies, may be on its way to a complete shutdown. As you know, these delicious treats are the only food that can survive a zombie outbreak. If Hostess closes its doors, we are doomed for sure. Thank goodness Hostess and its striking union members are renegotiating. If Hostess does shut down, it’s rumored a Boca Raton, Florida, company will purchase the brand. We can only hope.
Given the increasing number of zombie attacks in Florida, the price of Twinkies could soar into the hundreds of dollars each in Florida. Doomsday enthusiasts and disenchanted stock market investors are allegedly pouring funds into warehouse loads of Twinkies.
Is the Ban on Synthetic Drugs in Florida Working?
If you remember, Florida Governor Rick Scott signed House Bill 1175 on March 23, 2012. This bill outlawed more than 90 new forms of synthetic drugs. It modified Section 893.03(1)(c), Florida Statutes, by expanding the list of banned hallucinogenic substances in Schedule I of the Florida Comprehensive Abuse Prevention and Control Act. To view Florida HB 1175, click here. To read more on the ban, click here.
HB 1175 was in response to the first known zombie attack in Miami. This cannibalistic attack was allegedly because the one man was high on bath salts. It was rumored that one prominent Florida lawmaker stated that banning bath salts, smiles and other synthetic drugs should help to reduce the reported acts of cannibalism and zombie-like behavior in Florida.
And he was wrong, the walking dead are alive, sort of, and well in Florida.
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What do you think about all the zombies around town? What are you doing to survive? Are you stocking up on Twinkies now? Tell us, do you think we should rename Florida the Zombie state? Vote in a poll on our Facebook page.
Armstrong, Cassie. “Zombies Invade Clermont in 5K Challenge.” Florida 360. (November 17, 2012). From: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/multimedia/os-fla360-zombies-invade-clermont-in-5k-challenge,0,110644.story
Palm, Matthew. “Theater review: ‘Zombie Town: A Documentary Play’ from Theatre UCF.” Orlando Sentinel. (November 18, 2012). From: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/community/ucf/os-zombie-town-review-ucf-20121116,0,4007008.story
Hsu, Tiffany. “Hostess, Union to Give Talks Another Chance.” Orlando Sentinel. (Novemeber 2012). From: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/la-fi-mo-twinkies-hostess-union-mediation-20121119,0,4220893.story
About the Author: George F. Indest III, J.D., M.P.A., LL.M., is Board Certified by The Florida Bar in Health Law. He is the President and Managing Partner of The Health Law Firm, which has a national practice. Its main office is in the Orlando, Florida, area. www.TheHealthLawFirm.com The Health Law Firm, 1101 Douglas Ave., Altamonte Springs, FL 32714, Phone: (407) 331-6620.
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